The seven steps of arguing with ourslelves
1. What is the belief that I have?
2. What evidence is there to challenge this view? (The case for the prosecution.)
3. If the evidence isn’t enough: What alternative explanations are there to explain the situation?
4. If the alternative explanations and the evidence aren’t enough: What are the real consequences if my belief is correct? (So what?)
5. If you still hold on to your original belief: How useful is it to have this view?
6. Given the argument with myself, what do I need to do to improve the situation?
7. What will I do? When?
Mirror, mirror
One overly common and unhelpful self-belief that people have is ‘I am not attractive’. It comes in many forms, from
‘I will never find someone who wants to marry me’, through
‘No one ever looks at me in that way anymore’ to
‘My looks aren’t even good enough for radio’.
The feeling is often particularly acute at the end of a relationship but it can happen at many different times to pretty much any of us. Essentially, it means that the people we want to find us attractive, don’t.
Walking through the seven steps out outlined above, how could we argue ourselves out of this viewpoint?
Evidence
– Has anyone I care about found me attractive?
– Have any of my friends told me that I am attractive, or acted as if they thought so?
– What character and physical traits do I have that people might find attractive?
Alternative explanations
– Everyone has this feeling from time to time – It has nothing to do with me and how I look
– Just because one person doesn’t find me attrractive, albeit someone I care about, doesn’t mean that no one will find me attractive
– Am I comparing myself with the people photographed in magazines and who appear in TV advertisements? Is this a reasonable comparison? Maybe I am much more attractive than them but in different ways
Consequences
– Different people find different looks beautiful
The worst consequence is that I will find it difficult to find the perfect partner. I can still achieve much else in my life, arguable more
– The sort of people who judge someone on attraction alone are the superficial sort of people I want to avoid
Usefulness
– The more I think like this the more unattractive I will become. The first stage to being more attractive is to think you are. True or not, I am better off changing my self-perception
Plan of action
– Be happy as I am
– Diet, gym and other forms of physical improvement
– New wardrobe
– New passion or interest
– Go to a new hairdresser
– Change the type of person I want to find me attractive
The Mindgym, Page 43-45
#mirror_mirror #mindstormGR
Comments are closed.