Perhaps you know the feeling : you ‘re sitting in the cinema, the film hasn’t started yet, the auditorium is barely a third full, and several rοws are completely empty.
Someone comes in, looks around, walks past the empty seats – and sits down right next to you!
The feeling that you now have is called “expectancy violation”.
You expected something different – that the person would find an empty seat, not one right next to you.
In 1985, the American Judee Burgoon developed the Expectancy Violations Theory, which analyses how our expectations of another person affect the way we respond to unanticipated violations of these expectations of social norms.
According to Burgoon, the following rules apply in the Western world with regard to keeping our distance :
- Intimate space (elbow room): up to 50 cm.
Within this space, we expect to be touched by the other person. It is reserved for close family, lovers and pets.
- Personal space: 50-120 cm.
The typical distance we keep from somebody we are talking to.
- Social space: 120-360 cm.
The distance we keep from people we do not know, with whom we do not communicate, but whom we have nothing against.
- Public space: 360 cm or more.
The distance is best explained if we ask ourselves: which people do we avoid?
Of course, it is not only about distance, but also about physical and eye contact. If someone turns away from us, while we are speaking, it violates our expectations of the conversation. This is most easily observed in romantic relationships, where the usage of smartphones and social media is for many a strong sign of divided attention and a source for trouble.
The distance we keep is also influenced by cultural and situational norms. Different distance rules apply to dancing in a club and studying in a library.
In Switzerland, people greet one another with three little kisses; in the USA, this would be regarded as too close for comfort.
* When in Rome, do as the Romans do.
The expectancy violations theory, p. 108-109
The Communication Book, 44 ideas for better conversations every day
Mikael Krogerus &
Roman Tschaappeler
Authors of the international bestseller The Decision Book
#communication #space #distance #people #eye_contact #social_norms #softexperia #mindstormGR
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